hilary malveaux

this was one of my favorite videos when i was a little girl....

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:54:29 -0800

this was one of my favorite videos when i was a little girl. seems pretty appropriate for today. ♥

omg, someecards has read my heart. ♥

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 09:56:27 -0800

omg, someecards has read my heart. ♥

i feel like this pretty often.

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 09:29:38 -0800

i feel like this pretty often.

you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness like...

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:47:25 -0800

you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
like resignation to the end, always the end.
so when we found that we could not make sense
well, you said that we would still be friends,
but i’ll admit that i was glad that it was over.

“Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye

so brilliant, it makes me ache.

i like my covers to be heavyso I don’t get cold when I...

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:08:25 -0800

i like my covers to be heavy
so I don’t get cold when I sleep
my love affairs always seem unsteady
and I never go halfway when I leap.

“Still True” by Feist

this made my heart ache: a letter from John Steinbeck to his son about falling in love. New York...

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:17:38 -0800

this made my heart ache: a letter from John Steinbeck to his son about falling in love.

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

The Dark Knight Rises trailer done with Batman The Animated...

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:18:12 -0800

The Dark Knight Rises trailer done with Batman The Animated Series clips FTMFW.

this was heartbreaking and captivating: 30 Japanese Hornets...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 12:27:16 -0800

this was heartbreaking and captivating: 30 Japanese Hornets Battle 30,000 Bees

if (when) i ever fall in love, i’m going to do this. count...

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:45:36 -0800

if (when) i ever fall in love, i’m going to do this. count on it.

year in review: 2011

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:22:00 -0800

2011 was probably the shittiest year of my life. i can’t remember a year that was shittier. some good things happened, though. let’s review, shall we?

my parents split up, after 28 (i think) years of marriage, and even though i think they should have parted a long time ago, it was still difficult to deal with. the anger i have toward my dad increased exponentially, which is pretty amazing because there was a whole lot to begin with. harder still was seeing my mother down, so down that she ran away. just up and drove to arkansas to stay with her brother. she came back after about a month and a half, thankfully, but she had planned on staying there permanently. this cross-country bolt meant more anger for me. the first time i talked to her on the phone after she left, i couldn’t stop yelling and she hung up on me. it was pretty bad. we’re fine now.

i haven’t said more than a couple of words to my dad in several months, though. generally, i don’t want to hear from or about him. i did give him a Christmas present, a Buck Owens biography. on the gift tag, i just wrote his name, not Dad. he recently moved in with his girlfriend, his girlfriend who is 33 years old, the same age as the guy i’m seeing and just six years old than me, his oldest daughter. ick.

shortly after my parents’ breakup, the longest romantic relationship of my life ended. we are still friends but that was a difficult decision to make and a very painful time.

right after that was the Creative Fresno Members Only party. Agent Ribbons, Strange Vine and The Stone Foxes played for members of Creative Fresno at Storyland. it was a successful and fun event that i thought up. it was my idea, you guys, so having this party go really well after the breakup was a total win. also, i looked really awesome that night, which is always important.

after graduating from high school in 2002, dicking around at Fresno State for a few years, quitting school altogether for a couple more, then getting serious and enrolling in the degree completion program at Fresno Pacific, i finally finished my bachelor’s degree in business management. FINALLY. the search for full time employment, however, continues.

in June, i went to Berkeley with my best friend and her little sister to see Florence + The Machine. she was amazing and i really liked Berkeley, too. that was a great trip, the first out of town jaunt i’d had in a long time.

i didn’t get to go to the movies as much as i wanted to, but one film i was able to catch was a real standout, Another Earth. it was beautiful and heartbreaking. i like movies about space and although this isn’t set in space, it makes you think about the possibilities, the unknown, the unknowable, and i really enjoyed that aspect. it reminds me of The Fountain, another movie i love.

2011 was a great year for music discoveries. some of these might not be new to you, but i’m usually late on this kind of thing. my sister told me yesterday, “you know about a lot of things, but other things that everyone knows about, you don’t know.” yeah. that’s how it is. the following is a list of artists/bands i started listening to in 2011:

The Joy Formidable - a three-piece band from North Wales. the singer/guitarist is a girl named Ritzy. what more do you need to know?

Wye Oak - this band rules my life. hopefully i’ll be able to see them when they play at the Troubadour in February.

The Weeknd - drugged out sex music made by a 21 year old kid from Canada. yup.

Brother Luke & The Comrades - as a former Christian, current agnostic, i never thought i could listen to songs about Jesus again. i was wrong.

Beach House - i just want to cuddle in bed all day listening to their music. and i don’t even like cuddling, much.

Rudi Zygadlo - sort of dubsteppy, very weird, but really beautiful electronic music.

another plus in 2011 was losing 12 pounds. i need to lose 30 more to reach my goal weight, but it’s a start.

finally, for the first time in my life since i started dating when i turned 18, i’m not hastily beginning a relationship. i’m getting to know the guy first. isn’t that great and terribly adult? it’s going quite well, thank you for asking.

and now, 2012 is here. i have decided to be vegetarian again. whenever i make the switch, i always consider going vegan instead but i just love cheese and ice cream too much. i’m sorry, dairy cows. the big goal for the year, though, is to find a full time job so my life can really begin again. i’m still living with my ex-boyfriend, you see. in a separate bedroom, but it is weird, i know. it sort of feels like everything is on hold right now but i’m doing my best. my ten year reunion is in August so i’ve got to get everything in order by then. that, or just be really, really skinny.

CAN THESE TWO PLEASE GET MARRIED ALREADY. THANK YOU.

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:02:04 -0800

CAN THESE TWO PLEASE GET MARRIED ALREADY. THANK YOU.

this song has been stuck in my head for a couple of days....

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 10:59:56 -0800

this song has been stuck in my head for a couple of days. it’s not to anyone or for anyone because i don’t know if i’ve ever been in love, but it’s a good song.

“it’s not love, not like ours was.
no, it’s not love but it’s not bad.”

“It’s Not Love (But It’s Not Bad)” by Merle Haggard

remember when we listened to this everyday for weeks? i...

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 10:17:15 -0800

remember when we listened to this everyday for weeks? i do.

“just because it’s real don’t mean it’s gonna work.”

someone give me an Oscar the Grouch hat like this and i’ll...

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 13:01:12 -0800

someone give me an Oscar the Grouch hat like this and i’ll kiss you square on the mouth.

JGL. Tom Hardy. Batman. you guys, i don’t know if my weak...

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:15:20 -0800

JGL. Tom Hardy. Batman. you guys, i don’t know if my weak heart can take summer 2012.

question: can Wye Oak do anything wrong? answer: no. not even if...

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:35:34 -0800

question: can Wye Oak do anything wrong? answer: no. not even if they tried.

sometimes i just watch this video over and over. ♡

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 22:50:49 -0800

sometimes i just watch this video over and over. ♡

resolution.

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 23:35:51 -0800

today, i told one of my sort of friends that i think she’s one of the most beautiful girls i’ve ever met. i had thought it for a long time but i only told her today. like, i’ve known her for three years or something and i just told her today.

often i find myself holding back from expressing what i think. i think it’s because i’m a perfectionist and very fearful of making a mistake so one way that manifests is that i hesitate to say what’s on my mind, even about simple things. except when i’ve been drinking. when i’ve been drinking, all my weird hangups about making mistakes and sounding stupid disappear. several times this year, different friends have said “omg, i love drunk hilary! she’s so much fun!” and it took me awhile to figure out the difference between sober me and drunk me; i just don’t give a fuck after a Jameson or two. or half a 4Loko.

here’s another example of this stupid thing: i was drunk when i told that guy how i feel about him. i don’t want to have to be drunk to say what’s on my mind. not wanting to mess up is keeping me from being the best me i can be. that must change. today.

It’s no good unless it’s real, hill sides burning,...

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:25:30 -0800

It’s no good unless it’s real, hill sides burning,
Wild-eyed turning til we’re running from it.

I’d take care of you if you’d ask me to,
In a year or two.

“Take Care” by Beach House

read this if you want to cry. read this if you don’t want...

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 20:06:21 -0800

read this if you want to cry. read this if you don’t want to cry.

jsepublic:

Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?”

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8